Strange as it may seem, the next week was probably the most trying of Tifa's life. Strange because one would think things would be better now that she knew there was a cure. In a sense that was true, but knowing there was a cure and actually having it were two very different things. Knowing that Karisa could be saved and yet hadn't been was different from thinking she was going to die for sure, and in many ways more maddening. Just knowing the cure was there and not having it, well, that was almost enough to drive her crazy. Beyond that, by the end of the week Karisa was starting to show the first visible signs of physical deterioration. She developed an incessant cough, and was starting to have trouble breathing. She also didn't seem as alert as she had been. All this, of course, just made Tifa more frantic than ever to get her hands on the cure.
But Reno had told her they weren't ready yet. He and Rude still needed more information. Tifa had no problems with meticulous planning but there were limits. They needed to get off their butts and do something. Soon. Karisa was dying.
It was just so frustrating sitting here waiting, waiting and waiting and nothing was happening! What were they waiting for? Didn't they have enough information by now? Maybe this was why had failed with Shinra, they spend to much time planning, to much time sitting around and not acting!
She sighed. She was home, alone, sitting on her couch trying to read a book. Trying and failing. She couldn't concentrate. Hadn't been able to all week. She was being too hard on them and she knew it. She was just scared, scared for Karisa and who could blame her? She was well aware of what they waiting for. Reno had kept her informed. They had everything they needed to know except how to get into the place without getting caught. Security was tight up on the level where the research center was, tighter than anything Reno had seen before. If they couldn't find a way to get up there, all their plans would be for naught.
She put down the book, stood up and stretched, then she slowly looked around. Her place wasn't all that big, but right now, with only one person living here, it seemed like she had more room than she knew what to do with. And the place was so silent. She had the radio on, playing low in the background, but it wasn't the same, the same as the patter of small feet across the floor, the giggly childish laughter when Karisa played with her toys, or even the sound of a popping cork as Brent opened the bottle of wine he had brought with him as he sat at her table and told him about his day at work.
There was none of that now. Karisa was in the hospital, and wasn't going to be coming back before they paid a visit to Psi Co, if at all. Brent...
She had never found out. She had never asked Reno what he had done that night, that night he had found out the truth. She hadn't heard from Brent since then, but that really wasn't a surprise, now was it? She didn't even know if he was alive or dead
And she didn't really care.
She did miss having someone here though. She hated to be alone. She hated it more than just about anything.
And, as fate would have it, it was at that very moment she heard a knock on the door.
She put down the book which she wasn't reading anyway and walked over and opened the door to reveal Reno standing on her doorstep.
"Donuts," he proclaimed.
"Donuts?"
"Donuts."
He seemed to think that explained it all.
"Umm, are you hungry?" she asked.
"No. That's how I'm going to get in."
"You're going to bribe the guards with donuts?"
"Not exactly."
Reno walked inside, past Tifa and sat down on the couch.
"Make yourself at home," Tifa commented. She closed the door, then walked over and sat down as well.
"Dr. Singh has a 'thing' for donuts," Reno continued. "Not just any donuts, but fresh made donuts from a certain donut shop that's a couple of blocks from Psi Co headquarters. The good doctor also likes to work at night. Late at night. Claims he does his best thinking early in the morning. Well, every night about midnight he has a standing order for someone from the donut shop to deliver donuts."
"He has donuts delivered at midnight?" Tifa questioned.
"Uh huh."
"And the donut place goes along with this?"
"It's open all night, and Dr. Singh is a very good customer. They know the donut guy is coming. He just walks right through security."
Tifa nodded. It seemed hard to believe that a place so security conscious would just let someone walk in like that, but she'd heard of stranger things. Security always entailed slowing things down and doing things you didn't really want to do and it wasn't uncommon for people to take short cuts. It was usually only the security people who were paranoid, most eveyone else though of security procedures as a nuisance.
"So we know everything we need to now, right?"
He nodded.
"Yes."
"All right, when do we go in?"
Instead of replying right away, he just looked at her for a moment.
"Who said anything about we?"
She frowned. What was that supposed to mean? They had been planning things for a week now. The both of them, along with Rude. All this time she had assumed she was an equal partner in this deal, that whatever they were going to do, they were going to do it together.
"What do you mean by that?" she retorted immediately.
"There is no 'we' here," he replied. "Unless you're talking about Rude and I."
Tifa glared at him for a moment, feeling anger welling up inside her. How the hell had he come up with this idea?
"What are you talking about?" she protested. "You don't plan on taking me along?"
"Actually no," he replied quite frankly.
"Why not?"
"Because you're not... suited for it."
"What do you mean by that? What, is it because I'm a girl? Is that it? Is this some macho thing? You know I can kick butt at least as well as you can!"
She stood up, glaring at him. She was really angry now. She couldn't believe he was actually thinking of leaving her behind. She had more at stake in this than any of them. It was her child who's life was on the line here. He'd be crazy to think he was going to leave her out of it.
"Oh snap out of it, willya? That has nothing to do with it!" he snapped.
"Then what does?" she demanded, stepping closer to him. She looked ready to beat the crap out of him right then and there, or at least, try to.
He didn't reply for a moment, just sat there looking at her. When he did eventually speak, it was quite calmly.
"What would you do to save your daughter?"
The surprise change in direction of the conversation, and the calm voice he had asked the question in, took a bit of momentum away from the head of steam she was working up.
"What do you mean by that?" she questioned. Then, "why, I... I'd do whatever I have to."
"Are you sure?" he replied.
She just stared at him. What, was he questioning her desire to help her child now?
"Of course I'm sure!"
"I don't know about that," he said. "You didn't do too well when you had a chance to get information out of Brent, now did you?"
Tifa had to admit that comment stung. Reno hadn't mentioned that and she didn't think he was going to. Why was he throwing that in her face now? She suddenly felt very much on the defensive.
"Maybe not, but I don't see how that matters now," she said.
"Isn't it obvious?" he replied. "There's still a lot we don't know. We're not talking about just busting in and kicking ass. None of us are an expert in the medical field, we're not going to be able to pick the cure off a shelf. We're going to have to convince someone to tell us where it is, and somehow I don't think we'll get them to do that just by asking politely. We may have to use some more.. persuasive means to get what we want, and, frankly, I'm not convinced you're up to that."
For a moment she didn't know what to say. Okay, so she'd screwed up with Brent. She'd be the first to admit that. Reno was right, she wasn't the type to beat people to get them to talk. Still, she resented the fact that he wanted to exclude her. She might not be as persuasive as Reno but she still had other talents, talents that might come in very handy. She wasn't going to just sit home when her daughters life was in the balance.
"Okay, so I'm not heartless like you," she snapped. "If anyone needs to be persuaded I'll leave it to you, but I can still fight. I'm not useless! If you get into trouble, you're going to need me!"
"The Turks have always been able to take care of themselves," Reno said dismissively.
"There are no more Turks!" she retorted. "Shinra is gone Reno. And so are your precious Turks. You not part of a big organization anymore. You're not part of anything. You're just some guy without a job who drinks too much, and right now Rude and I are the only two people in the world you can depend on!"
He tried to keep his face expressionless, but she could tell by the tightening of his jaw that her words had hit home. In fact, she regretted saying them almost as soon as they left her lips. The Turks had been the only thing she had ever known that Reno had cared about, and she felt like throwing that at him had been hitting below the belt. Still, she was angry about what he had said to her, and it had just come out. Besides, it was only fair, seeing as how she felt he had done the same thing to her.
She could see he was getting angry too, but when he spoke he sounded calm enough.
"I meant Rude and I," he said. "And you're still not coming."
It wasn't just the fact that he obviously didn't trust her, which left her terribly disappointed. It was also the fact that the had the nerve to tell her she couldn't come, as if she didn't have a say, as if she couldn't make up her own mind, as if she were a child.
She didn't want to get into a fight. That was the last thing they needed now that they were finally ready to actually do something, but she wasn't going to back down on this. Not this time. There was too much at stake for her. She turned away from him, folding her arms.
"Fine! If you're not going to take me with you, I'll go down there and break in myself!"
"You'll do no such thing!" he said with surprising vehemence.
She spun around toward him, a fiery look in her eyes.
"Oh really? And just who do you think is going to stop me? You?"
"You can't just walk in the front door!"
"I'll find some way in!"
"You can't do it. The place is locked up tighter than a drum. You're not going to help your daughter by going in there and getting yourself killed."
"I don't care! You're not going to leave me out of this!"
"You're being stupid!"
"Well so are you!"
She stood there, staring at him as they both fell silent. Reno was getting angry, which he knew wouldn't help the situation. He had known when he broached the subject of her staying behind she would react badly. Still, what he had told her was the truth. It might have been brutally honest, he might have found a better way to say it, but that wasn't his style. It could be disasterous to the mission if they had to do something heavy handed and she got squeamish.
On the other hand, he had to admit what she was saying was true as well. If it came to a fight, and there was a distinct possibility of that, they could use all the help they could get and he knew from past experience she would be useful in that regard.
She still stood there looking at him. She hadn't taken her eyes off him. It was true, if she wanted to go down there and try to get in on her own, there wasn't much he could do to stop her. He wasn't sure how serious she was with that threat, but in the end, he decided he couldn't take the chance.
"All right," he said finally. "You can come along, but on one condition."
"What's that?" she asked warily.
"That I'm in charge. That you do what I tell you, when I tell you, no questions asked."
That didn't sit well with her at all, and she didn't try to hide it. On the face of it it might seem like a reasonable request. On something like this they had to work together. If they didn't they'd never succeed. And a team had to have a leader. They couldn't spend time arguing over where to go or what to do next. Someone had to be in charge to make those decisions, and they might have to make them with only seconds to decide. Still, she didn't like the idea of giving someone carte blanche over what they should do, or rather, she didn't like the idea of conceding that power to Reno. She still didn't trust him completely, and she supposed she never would. As far as she could tell he did genuinely want to save Karisa, but still she had this little voice in the back of her head saying he might some ulterior motive as well. Maybe that wasn't fair to him, after all he had done, but she couldn't help it.
Still, if this was what it took to get him to agree, she supposed she had little choice. If she didn't go along he might call her bluff about going down there by herself.
"Very well," she said, the words coming out with obvious reluctance.
They lapsed into silence, neither of them really happy, but satisfied with the compromise. With that out of the way Tifa's anger faded.
"Would you like something to drink?" she asked, sort of as a peace offering. Not that she really thought she even had to ask.
"Yeah, sure," he replied.
She walked into the kitchen and took out a bottle of scotch. She'd seen him drink often enough by now to know what he liked. She filled two glasses with ice and brought then back into the living room. Setting them on the coffee table she filled them from the bottle. She sat down beside him, picking up one of the glasses.
Reno picked up the other one.
"You're drinking the hard stuff today?" he asked.
Tifa shrugged and took a small sip.
"I guess," she replied. "I don't know. Maybe you're rubbing off on me."
"Scary thought," he muttered.
"Yes, I suppose it is," she agreed, smoothing her skirt. "So what exactly is the plan? One of us, you I take it, replaces the donut guy and lets us in?"
"That's it more or less," Reno replied. "Getting in isn't really the problem, getting up to the sixth floor where the lab is, that's the hard part, but with someone on the inside we've got a decent chance. Rude and I have isolated a couple of potential entry points that are not all that well guarded or that could be compromised by someone inside. I've got the plans for the building back at my place. We'll meet tomorrow to go over final arrangements. If you have any questions you can ask them then."
"All right," Tifa agreed. She didn't think she'd have much to say about it though. She didn't exactly consider herself a master strategist. She had mostly left it to others to come up with the plans. She was pretty sure she would go along with whatever they came up with.
She leaned back, looking up at the ceiling.
"I just wish it was all over with," she said.
"What's your rush?" he questioned. "We have no guarantee of success you know. By the day after tomorrow, we could both be dead."
She lowered her gaze and gave him a look.
"Well, gee, there's an optimistic attitude for you."
"Hey, I'm just being realistic. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that what we're doing is a dangerous thing. I'm sure you have no more illusions than I do about what will happen to us if we get caught."
No, she didn't. Psi Co couldn't afford to let the news get out that they had a cure and had been withholding it. She was quite certain the penalty for failure would be death.
And where would that leave Karisa? If they failed, obviously the child would not survive. Even so, she wasn't gone yet, and what would she do if her mother suddenly disappeared? She would be all alone then. A three year old child, dying, with no one there.
Abruptly Tifa forced that thought out of her head. It was just too horrible for her to contemplate. She'd survive. They'd succeed. They had to. She'd been in dangerous situations before, and she'd always managed to make it. Of course, that didn't mean things would work out this time, but there was no point in thinking about failure. It wasn't going to help the situation any. She wasn't scared at the moment. She knew she would be once they got to Psi Co headquarters, but that was normal. The nervousness might not go away completely, but once they started on their mission she would be concentrating on what they were doing and her unease would fade into the background.
Or at least, that's the way it always had worked. Life didn't come with any guarantees.
"If you knew this was your last day on earth, and you could do anything you wanted. What would you do?" she asked suddenly.
He blinked.
"Where do you come up with these questions?"
She shrugged but didn't reply, just sat there, obviously waiting for his reply.
"Umm, I don't know," he said after a moment. "If I could do anything I wanted? Anything at all?"
"Yes," she replied.
He took a sip from his drink.
"Hmmm."
And then he didn't say anything at all, just sat there staring off into space. She got the impression from the look on his face he wanted to say something, but he didn't speak.
"What?" she prodded.
Instead of replying he took his drink and placed it on the coffee table, then turned to look at her again.
"Anything at all?" he said again.
"Yes!" she replied, somewhat irked. Why did he keep repeating that?
"All right, all right," he returned. "If I knew I was going to die and I could do anything I wanted then I would like to..."
He paused, as if thinking about it. Of course, she knew he wasn't, he was just dragging it out for dramatic effect, and to tick her off. He was probably waiting for her to coax him some more, to get impatient. Well, fine, if that was what he wanted she would just ignore him. It wasn't like she was desperate to know the answer to this question anyway, she had just been making conversation.
She lifted her glass to her lips once again, determined to pretend he didn't exist for the moment.
"Kiss you."
She froze, her glass just touching her lips as a shock ran through her body. For some reason she hadn't expected him to say something like that. Hadn't expected it at all. Silly really, considering how well she knew Reno. In fact, now that he had said it, she was surprised he hadn't said he'd want to do something a bit more intimate.
She slowly lowered her glass.
"Kiss me?" she said slowly. "Just a kiss? Nothing more than that?"
Reno leaned forward a bit.
"Well, perhaps more, but I suspect that a kiss is about the best I could hope for."
She just stared at him. It was just a line, of course, it had to be. It couldn't be the truth. It was just an easy way to get in good with her. After all, neither of them were really planning on dying, now were they? So he really had nothing to lose by saying that.
On the other hand, it was a pretty innocuous thing to ask, and she had to admit it had a certain charm to it, even if he was full of shit. He had a way about him, she'd give him that. Besides, he actually wasn't a bad looking guy and...
... and she couldn't believe she was thinking this!
This was Reno! Reno! The man who had dropped the plate on Sector Seven, the man who had killed her friends. The man who had done unspeakable acts in the name of the Turks, in the name of Shinra, who had killed relentlessly, without remorse, a man with no moral values, a man who...who... had given her a chance to save Karisa's life.
That simple fact went a long way toward enabling her to let go of all he had done in the past.
"All right."
The words seemed to have come out almost of their own accord.
"Huh?"
Reno's jaw dropped slightly and she almost had to laugh. He obviously hadn't been expecting that answer!
"All right," she repeated. "If kissing me is the last thing you'd want to do with your life, then I won't deny you."
Now it was his turn to be at a loss for words, a situation Tifa found genuinely amusing. His mouth opened a few times, but nothing came out.
"Really?" he finally managed to utter, as if he still couldn't believe it.
"Yes, really," she replied seriously.
Even with that consent, he just sat there. In truth, Reno hadn't expected her to agree. She had thrown him for a loop and he could see that she had taken pleasure in that, but with her last words her look had turned solemn.
He was just sitting there looking at him and he realized the ball was in his court. He wouldn't deny that the thought of kissing her had been on his mind more than he wanted to admit. He had thought if he tried, he'd just get an elbow in the gut, or worse, for his trouble. Yet, here she was, going along willingly. Apparently, things really had changed between them.
She looked down, suddenly feeling very nervous, fiddling with the hem of her skirt. He seemed to have gotten over his surprise but still he hadn't moved. Reno had never struck her as the shy type, not by a long shot. So why did he seem hesitant all of a sudden?
As if realizing he had delayed longer than necessary he slowly leaned forward, moving closer to her. His hand came out and touched her arm. She could feel it... trembling? Was that possible? Was he as nervous as she?
His hand ran gently up her arm then behind her back, slowly pulling her toward him. She was staring straight into his eyes, looking for, what, the truth? How he really felt? He wasn't sure. Her eyes were beautiful, endless deep pools of brown.
Their faces were nearly touching now. He could feel the soft caress of her breath. He saw her close her eyes, and a moment later their lips met.
He'd kissed, well, he'd lost track long ago of all the girls he'd kissed. It was always a pleasurable experience, naturally. She was a woman, no different from any other woman. At least that's what he told himself, but if so, why did it feel so different this time? Why did he feel a sense of electricity running through him so strongly? Why did he feel like he couldn't get close enough to her? He had heard the sound of traffic outside earlier, and the hum of the radio, but he heard nothing now, nothing but the soft rustle of her clothes as he moved his hand along her back. He could feel the warmth of her body, the touch of her silky hair against his cheek, the soft moist feel of her lips against his own. For a moment the traffic outside was gone. The room was gone, the couch they were sitting on. It was only them, the only things that were real in the entire universe. She filled up his senses, leaving room for nothing else.
A moment only, and then their lips parted. The world returned. He heard a car horn blare, somewhere far off.
She opened her eyes. The kiss was over, but other than that they had barely moved. His hand was still behind her back, had slid up to support her neck. Their faces were still almost touching, and she made no move to disengage.
"You don't close your eyes when you kiss?" she asked.
"Ordinarily yes," he replied. "But if I closed my eyes, I would miss seeing you."
Tifa looked at him for a moment, then she giggled.
"You have a line for everything, don't you? What, you don't want to miss a thing? Haven't I heard that in a song somewhere?"
He just looked at her.
"Maybe I do have a line for everything, but that wasn't one of them."
The smile faded from her face, seeing the serious look on his. For a moment she didn't know what to make of that. Did he really expect her to believe what he was telling her?
She didn't know how to reply. She wanted to tell him he was full of shit, but... but he looked so somber. She didn't want to make light of it if he was serious. She didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Which was so ridiculous. Of course he wasn't serious. It was typical Reno. It had to be a line. It just had to be. How many times had he used it on some other girl?
And once again she had to remind herself that she wasn't dealing with the Reno she had known before. He had changed. She had seen it. Not completely of course. That would be too much to ask of anyone. Yet she was convinced the changes she had seen were genuine.
She noticed that his face was moving almost imperceivably closer to hers again. By remaining this close she was giving tacit approval for a reprise of their kiss. Just moving back, away from him just a little bit, would let him know, without saying a word, that his quota of kisses for today was complete.
Yet she didn't move at all. Instead, she closed her eyes once again.
The first kiss had been tentative, neither one of the them really knowing what to expect. This time Reno held her a little tighter, kissed just a bit more forcefully. She felt his other hand encircling her, and he pulled her to him with both arms. Still barely believing this was happening she felt her own hands reaching out to wind about his waist.
This time their kiss seemed to last much longer. The whole time, a little voice in the back of Tifa's mind was telling her to pull back, to slow this down before it was too late, before she did something she'd regret. The way his lips pressed against hers now, the way he was crushing her body against his own, made it clear things were rapidly progressing beyond just a simple kiss. She could tell the passion was rising inside him, just like it was rising inside herself.
His lips moved down, kissing her chin, and then her neck. Softly again, barely touching her at first. That was, until she lifted her head to give him a better angle. His lips felt hot against her skin, almost as if they were on fire. In a figurative sense, she supposed that was true.
And by now, it seemed unlikely she could put the fire out.
Slowly she felt herself sinking back, down onto the couch, with Reno on top of her. He was breathing rapidly now, and so indeed was she, if she had stopped to notice. His face came up and their lips met again. This time there was nothing dainty about it. He pressed his lips against hers as if consumed by them, as if suffering from an ever growing need, a need that could not possibly be satiated. His hands moved through her hair, along her back, down her neck, almost as if her were kissing her with his caress as well as his lips.
By now it was obvious to her that she didn't want to put the fire out, was in fact, fanning the flames. The little voice that had been telling her to pull back had faded away and at this point there seemed little chance of turning back.
She accepted that, still not even sure why. She almost felt as if her body were acting of it's own accord. Of course, that wasn't true. She knew full well what she was doing and had obviously chosen to ignore the consequences.
Reno's head moved down again, leaving a line of kisses along her neck, down the vee that her blouse formed before the first button. His right hand came around to the front of her, moving slowly up until it rested on the ample curve of her body that lay beside his face.
By now there was no denying the passion that she felt. She no longer had even feeble thoughts about changing the course of where their actions were taking them. She had been alone for a week now, and that may not seem like much but it was to her. Brent was gone, and he wasn't coming back. She had depended on him for her emotional needs, and his leaving left her in a vacuum, a vacuum filled with loneliness and she hated that. She had tried to concentrate on what was happening with her daughter, how taking care of her and saving her life were much more important than her own emotional needs, but it wasn't always easy. There was always that empty aching feeling there in the background. Especially at night, when she was in the house all alone, lying in bed, with not even Karisa here to comfort her. She had cried herself to sleep nearly every night all week long.
Reno's hand slowly moved down her blouse, liberating the buttons from their binding as it went. He could still hardly believe this was happening, that she would go along with this. She had hated him for so long. Well, maybe not hated, but certainly disliked. He hadn't thought she'd ever get past that. He still couldn't believe it was happening. He kept thinking this had to be a dream, that soon he would wake up and find himself lying on the sidewalk in some drunken stupor, staring up at the night sky, alone. He'd made love to girls before, felt desire for them, but he'd never, ever felt the kind of longing he felt for this girl. He wanted her, he wanted her with a burning, all consuming desire that left him shaken, breathless, with it's intensity. He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anything in his entire life.
And if he had been thinking rationally, that would have scared the hell out of him.
The last button on her blouse fell open, and Reno's hand slid slowly along the exposed flesh. She was so soft, so warm. He paused, looking down at her, and saw the long pink line that ran diagonally across her chest.
She saw him pause and stiffened, realizing what he was looking at. Sephiroth's scar. The wound she had gotten nine years ago in Nibelheim. The permanent reminder of what had happened back then.
Men had see it before, of course, with varying results. No one had ever told her it was ugly, that she was marred, but she could tell nevertheless that it had bothered some of them. She brought her hands up, crossing them in front of her, covering it.
"I'm sorry," she said, the pain plain in her voice. "I should have said something."
He looked down at her, silent for a moment.
"This is from... Sephiroth?"
He'd heard some of the story, about her being wounded back in Nibelheim, long ago when she was young. He'd never seen it before, of course.
She nodded slowly.
His hand reached up, clasping hers. Slowly he pulled her wrists down. She resisted for a moment, then relented, revealing the scar again.
"Do you think it's ugly?" she asked. It was a stupid question really. If he thought so, did she think he would ever say?
He shook his head.
"You're beautiful. There's nothing about you that's not. Not even this."
She stared at him for a moment. She said nothing but her hands fell to her sides. He ran his own hand along her torso, and around her back, showing no hesitation like the kind she had seem from the men who had been bothered by her old injury. Reassured, she lifted her hands and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. He waited impatiently for her to finish, for her hands to move out of the way so he could feel her lips against his own once more. It was only a few seconds, but the time seemed interminable.
When she was done she ran her hands along his chest. For his slim frame, he was surprisingly muscular.
Pressing close to her again, he kissed her once more. At the same time he reached around behind her and, pinching his fingers together, liberated her from the last garment that covered her upper body. He pushed it aside. At this point, clothing was nothing more than an obstacle, a barrier separating them, no matter how flimsy it might be. Nothing would satisfy them now except flesh against flesh, the feel of their bodies together, with nothing intervening, nothing getting in the way.
His head dropped again, kissing her newly exposed flesh. Both of them were afire with passion now, both of them flushed with the excitement of what was to come, yet dragging out the sweet anticipation until it was nearly unbearable, until they were in a frenzy to have one another.
His hands ran over her body hungrily now, greedily. He reached down and ran his hand along her thigh, then up under her skirt, lifting it up, eagerly seeking what lay beneath. His hand gently caressed the thin cotton that she still wore and for the first time a soft moan escaped her lips, so restrained that he barely heard it.
Her mouth sought his, more eagerly than ever. They pressed their lips together as if to fuse themselves into one. His hand found the zipper on the side of her skirt and pulled it down, then he grasped the waistband and slid it and the garment beneath down her thighs, over her knees and past her ankles to finally fall by the side of the bed, tossed aside like some unwanted afterthought, leaving her lying underneath him unclothed, completely exposed.
He lifted himself up again, his hands moving to his belt, jerking it open with hurried fingers, fingers that couldn't move fast enough to satisfy his need for her, to remove the last barrier between them. As he did so he looked at her, lying there beneath him, and his breath caught in his throat at her beauty. He had been with many women, but he'd never seen anyone who compared with her. There were no words to describe it. It was barely comprehensible. She could put angels to shame.
He removed the last of his own garments, tossing them aside just as he had hers. They were clothed now only in the warmth of one another, and that was more than enough for both of them.
She lifted up her knees and parted her legs, leaving him room to lower himself down upon her. For just a moment he hesitated, still soaking up her beauty, still giddy to think this was actually happening, before accepting her invitation. He heard the sudden intake of her breath as he entered her.
He stopped, looking down at her.
"Am I hurting you?"
She shook her head.
"No," she said softly. "No. Go on."
She knew there was no turning back now, but then again, it had probably been too late long before this point. It didn't matter, she had no intention of changing her mind now. For better or worse she was committed to this course. Slowly they began to move together in a rhythm that was as old as mankind.
He had never imagined her being so passive. Had never seen her this way before. He had been with girls much more aggressive and sometimes, in fact, he had enjoyed that, but he felt now that this was just right for her. He looked down at her, into her eyes and he almost had to turn away. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes were gazing at him so openly, so innocently. Again he was reminded of a rare exquisite figurine, so perfectly wrought and yet so incredibly fragile. He had never thought of her as a particularly delicate girl. In fact in their previous meetings he had been struck, quite literally on occasion, mostly by her strength and her fiery spirit. Yet now the look in her eyes was so... trusting, that he could hardly stand it. It was like not just her body but her soul was bare in front of him. She was letting him in, giving him access to everything she was and trusting him not to shatter that. He had never seen a woman look at him in such a way.
It was funny. He'd gotten exactly what he wanted. What he wanted from any woman. It wasn't like him to question a female's motives. The mere fact that she agreed to go to bed with him was usually more than enough to satisfy him. Still, surprisingly, questioning her motives was exactly what he found himself doing. He couldn't help but wonder why she was going along with this, and to speculate that it was out of gratitude. He was helping to save the life of her daughter, and perhaps this was the only way she knew how to repay him. Was that it, was this just a tit for tat thing? Was she doing it because she felt obligated or because there was something more, that there was a bond growing between them that neither of them really understood. Ordinarily he wouldn't care, the why of it wouldn't make any difference to him, yet with her, for some reason, it mattered, it mattered to him a great deal.
Now that it was real, that it was actually happening the full weight of what they were doing made itself felt to Tifa. She couldn't really explain either then or afterward exactly what had made her go along with it. She was just following some instinct, some basic instinct so old that it predated almost all other emotion. It didn't come from her head, that was for sure. Her brain, if it were working, would be adamantly against this whole thing, would be horrified with what she was doing, in fact. Nor did it come from her heart. She knew better than to fall in love with Reno. He might have changed but he hadn't changed that much. Reno and her, they could never live happily ever after. They were just too different.
So why then was she doing this? The only answer she had was to stave off the cold and the dark.. Like some child alone in the woods, she needed someone to cling to. She couldn't find anyone to love her, but she needed to have someone there, someone she could hold on to, someone who could bring some warmth and comfort into her empty life. She just wanted someone she could wrap her arms around at the end of the day and know she wasn't alone. Was that too much to ask?
Even so, did she really think Reno would provide that? Yes, for one night he might hold her, but how long would that last? How long before another woman caught his eye? She didn't know much for certain but she knew that Reno was not the answer for her. What was she doing falling into bed with him, reaching out for the first man that became available like some kind of...of... loneliness whore?
Was that what she really thought of herself? She wasn't sure, but how else could she explain what was happening to her?
It wasn't fair. Reno could be with a different woman each night and she knew he wouldn't feel the least bit of remorse or guilt. Well, Reno might be a bad choice to serve as a role model, but she suspected most guys would feel that way. In fact, they were likely to boast of such a thing to their friends. Yet a woman who did something like that was looked down upon, was a slut. Why did she have to feel so guilty about doing this? Why? Because that was the rules of her society and she was a product of that society. No matter how much she told herself there was nothing wrong with what she was doing, deep down inside she didn't really believe that.
However, at the moment, the deep down inside of her was rapidly getting lost within the here and now. As their bodies continued to move together, building up to some unknown but much anticipated crescendo all thoughts flittered away from her mind, and she just concentrated on feeling, on feeling the emotion and ecstacy that was ever so slowly welling up inside of her. She didn't care about tomorrow anymore, or even what would happen this very night, after this was over. She didn't think about that. Right now was all that was important, lying there with this man, sharing the warmth and the feel of each other, giving something to each other that only a man and a woman could give.
She moaned again, feeling the warmth rapidly growing inside of her, the feel of his body pressing against hers. They were both breathing heavily now, their bodies slick with moisture yet even that was somehow stimulating. Reno's hands roved freely over her body, his kisses furiously needy, falling like rain upon her lips, her chin, her neck, his own lips drinking hers up, as if trying to fill himself with her essence. Her hands ran up along his back, pulling him closer to her, even though they were already pressed against one another.
Something was happening to her. Something she hadn't felt in a long time. So long ago, in fact, that at first she didn't recognize it for what it was. Their movements had increased to an almost frenzied pace, taking on an almost desperate quality. She couldn't think coherently anymore. Time, space, everything outside of themselves seemed to have disappeared. The only thing real to her now was Reno's body on top of her and the feeling that was building up inside her, building up so rapidly and furiously that she felt that she would soon burst apart. It had been growing for some time, slowly at first, but now it could no longer be ignored. In fact, the feeling was rapidly filling her entire being. Like floodwaters rushing down a narrow ravine, suddenly bursting forth upon the unsuspecting town in it's path. But that was not a proper analogy, for a flood brought pain and horror and loss, but there was none of that here. No, it was just the opposite, in fact. The feeling that welled up in her now was of sheer ecstasy, of a pleasure so intense, so all consuming, as to be almost inconceivable.
She thought she cried out. Maybe more than once. She wasn't sure. Afterwards she couldn't seem to remember the exact sequence of events. It all sort of blurred together in her mind. She remembered grasping Reno, and pulling him to her with all her might, as if the touch of their flesh was somehow not close enough, as if she wanted to be closer to him than was humanly possible, her body arching upward, and all the while her mind nearly bursting with wave after wave of unbearable pleasure, a pleasure so overwhelming as to be almost painful. An agony of bliss, an agony that she never wanted to stop.
And then, suddenly, it faded away. She found herself falling back onto the couch, panting in exhaustion, to find that Reno had collapsed on top of her, his passion spent simultaneously with hers. For a long time they just lay there, recovering from an experience neither one of them would ever be able to properly describe.
Reno didn't move on top of her for some time, the fog slowly lifting from his brain. He still couldn't believe it had happened, couldn't believe it had been so good. He never wanted to let her go, never wanted it to end. It was incredible, like nothing he had felt before, and the realization of that, and what it meant, now that it was over, was finally beginning to sink in.
They had fallen silent, resting quietly together. He could hear the sounds of the world around him again, the wailing of some sad song on the radio, the faint sound of traffic, the ticking of the clock above the sink in the kitchen, and the slow intake of her breath, the soft feel of her chest rising and falling beneath him.
He pulled himself up, then lifted himself off her and stood up. He turned, stooping down and gathering up his clothes. She turned to look at him, a slight frown creasing her features when he started to get dressed.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
He didn't answer for a moment, struggling to get his pants back on. He looked at her, then quickly turned away.
"It's getting late. I... I better get going."
He couldn't look at her, lying there unclad in front of him. Even now, after what they had just shared, he could feel his passion rising again merely by seeing her so. If he let his eyes linger on her for more than a moment, he was afraid he would wrap her in his arms again, pull her to him just as they had been before. But he couldn't do that now. He couldn't let himself. He had to sort this out, had to come to terms with just what he was feeling, and he couldn't do that now, not here with her so close. He'd never be able to think straight with her beside him, tempting him so, even unintentionally.
She stared at him, feeling a stab of anguish tear through her gut at his words. He was getting his clothes on. He was leaving, he was really leaving. She couldn't believe it. It had been good, so good, and she had been sure it had been that way for him too.
Reno sat down on the couch beside her and pulled on his socks and shoes. He wasn't even looking at her anymore, couldn't see the torment those simple words were causing her. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Finally she turned away.
She was pathetic. She was so pathetic. She had thought what they had done would mean something to him. She had thought there was more here for him than just another lay, just another notch on his belt. She'd hoped that was the case but deep down inside she had known, had known he hadn't changed, had known it was all just a ploy to get her in bed, and her, being the idiot she was, had completely fallen for it.
It was over now. He had gotten what he'd wanted and had no more use for her. Well fine, she wasn't going to beg. She wasn't going to be clingy or whiney. That would just make her feel worse and was probably what he wanted to hear anyway. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. If he wanted to go he could go, and to hell with him. It didn't matter, it was what she expected of life. He had gotten what he wanted but she still expected him to fulfill his promise to her, his promise to help save Karisa. He could do what he wanted to her, but she was going to hold him to helping her little girl. If he thought he was going to weasel out of that, he had another thing coming.
Reno finished getting dressed and stood up. He turned toward and again his eyes feasted on her. She wasn't looking at him, had turned away, the slender curve of her back, her hips, her legs exposed to him.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said awkwardly, then quickly spun around to face the door.
She didn't reply, didn't look at him. She heard him walk across the room. He paused there for a moment. She waited for him to speak, but he said nothing. She heard the door open, then close again. She felt the icy fingers of cold from the momentarily opened door drift across her body, sending a shiver through her, before it faded away. She turned around and saw that she was alone.
Alone. Again. She could almost choke at the unfairness of it all. She didn't have any high aspirations for herself. She wasn't asking for the world, wasn't asking for much at all. All she ever wanted out of life was someone to be there for her, be there when she needed some comfort, and yet that seemed to be the one thing that life was determined to deny her.
She turned and, seeing her glass on the table, lifted it up and gulped down the golden liquid it held. She was not used to drinking hard liquor so rapidly. The liquid stung her throat, nearly making her choke, but she didn't care, in fact, she felt it somehow appropriate, appropriate that she should suffer for what she had done, for being such a fool.
She stood up, feeling bitter tears welling up in her eyes. She felt dirty, unclean. Not bothering to gather up her clothes she walked over to the front door and locked it, having learned that lesson at least. She picked up the bottle of liquor, which was still half full, and her glass, then she made her way into the hallway, wiping her eyes as she went, even though she knew it would do no good. She stopped in front of the bathroom, the thought crossing her mind to take a shower, but she was spent, emotionally and physically. All she wanted to do now was to sink down on her bed and forget about this miserable world. She walked into her room and put the bottle and glass down on the night table, then opened her closet, throwing on her robe to cover herself with before collapsing onto the bed.
She almost had to laugh. She had loved Cloud so much, and he had left her. That event still haunted her, had left her wounded and ill equipped to deal with the world. And what had she done, what had she learned? Apparently nothing. Instead she had jumped from man to man until she finally found herself in Reno's arms, Reno, of all people, and what does he do, well surprise, surprise, walks out the door on her, just like Cloud. And the really funny thing was, the thing that hurt her the most, that she was choking on even now, was that for the first time in all this time, it had been Reno that made her feel what she hadn't felt since that day she had been with Cloud. The two men, the only two men who had satisfied the craving within her, who had left her feeling whole, had both walked out on her. How ironic was that?
She reached over, picking up the glass she had brought in and lifting it to her lips, gulping it down, draining it. The fluid burned her throat as it went down but she didn't care. It wasn't like her to be like this, to drown her sorrows in alcohol, but then again, nothing that had happened tonight had been like her, or at least not the her she thought herself to be. She had learned a lot of things about herself tonight, a lot of things she didn't like.
She filled her glass again and brought it to her lips, forcing the hot liquid down her throat, feeling it spill over the sides of her mouth and down her chin, mixing with her tears on the blanket below her, determined to finish the bottle, and more if necessary, before the light of dawn cast it's first glow through her windowpane
Reno walked rapidly down the street, inhaling deeply from the cigarette he had lit up the moment he had exited from Tifa's place. He made a beeline for the nearest bar, a small tavern that he spotted a couple of blocks down the road. He'd never been there before, but that didn't matter. He needed a drink, badly. Sex, tobacco and liquor, looked like he was running the full gamut of vices tonight.
The bar was tiny, smaller than any he'd ever seen. There were half a dozen barstools in front of the counter, and three tables. One of the tables and two barstools were occupied. A jukebox droned in the back and a small television was perched on a shelf high up on the wall behind the bartender. It was showing some kind of sporting event, but there was no sound.
Not that that mattered to Reno. He plopped down on one of the barstools and ordered his drink. He'd hardly gotten to wet his palate at Tifa's. He had some catching up to do.
A woman sat at one of the barstools, the only female in the place. He had seen her glace over at him when he sat down, and hadn't failed to notice the interest in her face. She was a redhead, and not unattractive. Ordinarily he would have been interested, but he'd already had his fill of sex tonight, and even if he did pick her up, he knew his mind wouldn't be on her but instead someone else.
The bartender placed his drink down in front of him. He picked it up and gulped it down. Setting the empty glass down on the counter a moment later, he indicated to the bartender to fill it up again.
He had a lot of catching up to do. He intended to get drunk tonight, not pleasantly intoxicated drunk, but fall down pass out drunk.
Tifa.
Dammit. It had been great. As good as he had imagined. Better, in fact. She'd gotten under his skin, gotten under his skin like no one had before.
And that wasn't like him. He'd never let anyone get under his skin before. No one. No matter how alluring a woman might be, and he had met some pretty alluring women in his time, it had always been strictly about the sex. Get what you want and get out, that was his policy. He was the ultimate noncommitalist.
Noncommitalist. He wondered if that was a word. No matter, the description got the point across.
The bartender refilled his glass.
No woman had scared him like Tifa did. Yes, scared him. He had wanted her so badly, when they were in the act, if she would have asked, he would have promised her anything. Anything. He'd never felt like that before. He'd lost complete control, and control to him was everything. He had been a Turk, was always the one who had been cool calm and collected, in life, in sex, in any situation. He wasn't one to let his emotions get the better of him, but with her, he had to admit he'd completely lost it. The fact that a woman, that anyone, could have such a hold over him, that scared him more than just about anything, more than any mere fight he'd ever been in.
He had trained himself to keep people at arms length, and that had been reinforced when he was a Turk. Emotions were a weakness, something that your enemies could exploit. He understood that, had never had a problem with it.
Until now.
He had no idea how to handle this. It was something that he never thought would happen to him. She hadn't faced him when he left. He hadn't seen her expression, but he suspected that his leaving so abruptly had hurt her. That was probably a good thing. He didn't want her to know how he really felt, didn't want her to see just how vulnerable he had been with her.
He had been denying how he was feeling for a long time now, but after tonight, there was no way to avoid it. It had been thrown in his face so plainly by what had happened that he couldn't hide his head in the sand anymore, no matter how much he wanted to. Somehow something had happened that he hadn't thought was possible, something that he wasn't interested in, that he didn't want, had never wanted, but somehow, against all odds, it had happened nonetheless.
He had fallen in love with Tifa Lockheart.
And he had no idea how to handle that. It was a concept that was completely foreign to him. The whole idea was ridiculous, absurd. He would have just marked it down as an aberration, just a by product of what had happened between them just now, but it wasn't just tonight. He had felt it for a long time, growing inside him like some kind of.. sickness. For that's how he looked at it. Love wasn't a healthy thing, not for him, not for anyone living in the slums of Junon.
Hell, what did he expect to happen, even if she felt the same way. Were they going to run off together, live happily ever after? Fat chance of that. He couldn't see it, he couldn't see himself settling down, having a family, being a father, a faithful husband. He almost had to laugh at that, just the thought of it.
No, it couldn't work that way. They were just too different. Rude had been right, he wasn't what she needed. He knew that and he suspected she did to.
So where did that leave them? He had no idea. It was all moot anyway. Yes, they had made love, but that didn't mean her attitude had changed toward him, well, he supposed it did a bit, but that didn't mean she felt the same way about him as he did about her. Tomorrow, especially after what he had done, leaving her like that, she may keep him at arms length just like she had for so long before.
Which was probably a good thing.
No matter how he thought of it, he couldn't see any way for this to work. He felt cornered, with no way out, no real solution. Which only left him with one choice, a choice he had taken more than once when life came crashing down upon him.
To get drunk, to get very drunk, and let tomorrow take care of itself.
He lifted his drink and again drained it quickly. The bartender hadn't moved, and now he eyed him for a moment before filling up the glass again.
"You look like a man with a lot on his mind," the man commented.
"You don't know the half of it," Reno said, lifting the glass once more.
It was going to be a long night.